Haywired Feelings

As i am writing this with so much turmoil in my heart, i have to sit back and wonder why am i always so messed up. Frustrated i am not getting answers when i needed one. Frustrated over my place in life.

But i understand where you are coming from. I believe tonight was just the night where you didn't want to handle this. After such a busy week of socialising and physical labour, you needed the time to rest, you needed a break, you needed a time to do nothing. The energy to handle this was close to none, and to be frank i knew one day this day would come, when no one would handle this part of me.

But i too cant deny how i feel. The feeling of wanting to feel important. The feeling of wanting answers. Where it is still left unanswered. Because i tried, not once, not twice. I tried many times. I tried many ways to invoke a response, yet i was left alone with my bare emotions not knowing where to go. Feeling confused, because i too thought talking about it was enough. Apparently it wasnt. 

We are both songs playing different genres tonight, where i am the melancholic echoes of the night and you are the soothing jazz. We are in different frequencies trying to find harmony, but tonight, we both are so different. 

Finding common ground was hard. I want to feel heard but instead i feel silenced. You want to let it go and yet i couldnt find the feelings to. What just started of as a lover's quarrel turned into a full blown argument. 

With the victim mindset i carry, is this my problem? Always too emotional, always too controlling, always require something to soothe this heart. But was it wrong of me to want reassurance. Was it wrong of me to feel uncomfortable. 

I'm sorry i didnt reach your expectations.
The words that hurt the most. 

But my feelings of frutsration and sadness, is valid too. 

Maybe tonight is one of the nights where i yearn for sadness
Because sadness knows me well
And through sadness i find comfort
Through sadness i can find peace
And through sadness, maybe i'll get my sleep.

And maybe we'll wake up finding harmony again
but for tonight, lets just play our own tune.