Life Journey Nearing 30

As i am writing this post, i am currently living in a life of uncertainty with mental instability. To be honest, the reason i suddenly felt the heart to open a blog again after 7 years is because of the sadness i felt today. The sadness that is enough to make me reflect, to make me ponder how is life so rocky even after i thought i left what has caused it

In case i do read this in the future, I am around ~ 6 months post resigning housemanship, one of the rockiest parts of my life. Even after 6 months, when some memories do replay in my head, it feels very heavy on my heart. I remember certain things that was said or done to me during that period of time

However, this post is not to elaborate on that. It's to elaborate how every job has its own difficulty. I must say navigating life after leaving medicine has its own perks and challenges. However, what i didnt know is how office culture can be quite toxic and how certain things can go out of hand very quickly. At one point i do feel like it is because of me, because of how weak i am and how i don't know how to manage stress. You know how many people want to be many things

i on the oher hand dont want to be many things. I dont want to be me. Tbh i dont want to feel that much, i wish i had more confidence and i wish to just be fine. To be stable. Not to be affected that much. Above all, i wish for peace. 

I thought i had a lead to this post but i guess its just me typing randomly. 

And i thought i was starting to enjoy work. Tbh it just feels like square one again. Always at the brink of sadness and edge of crying. But it's okay. I wish life was just easy.